My experience with grief and death almost destroyed me. While battling cancer, abuse, child homelessness, and everything else in my life, faith had always been enough and unquestioned. I felt strong and under control. The day I lost my husband, however, my complete existence collapsed under me.  At an early age, I lost my father. He was the only one to have loved me. After his passing, I lived under various types of abuse and neglect.  Without extended family, my husband was not only my mate and best friend, he was the only adult to ever love, accept, and protect me, since my father's death.

My journey through grief and loss nearly broke me. For over two years, it felt like an endless storm consuming everything in its path. My world crumbled, like a wildfire burning through every part of me. Joy was a distant memory—I didn’t feel it for those two years. The only thing driving me was the need to support myself and my son. Honestly, I had no idea how to survive that kind of pain. Feeling utterly alone, I started talking to myself, seeking motivation. I even had “conversations” with my quiet cat. :-) But here’s the truth: God’s undeniable presence in past hardships stopped me from considering suicide. Amid my brokenness—angry, ashamed, disappointed, and hopeless—I turned to God. It wasn’t easy. Those raw conversations with Him became an exhausting, uphill battle. Yet, through them, I found the miracle I needed to survive. If you’re in a place of suffering, I want you to know: this pain won’t last forever. Light will return. Hope will come, followed by joy and small but powerful changes that spark growth. You’ll rediscover purpose and excitement for the life ahead—a life waiting to be written. Please, stay. Your story isn’t over yet. And if you need a reminder, visit me here. You’re not alone.

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Lu Hawkins